Justice Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

Talk about your tough judges †I was the bailiff!

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Mou...Man trap!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Law 'N' Order

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'

'You're my 100,000th conviction... so, I'm going to take 25 off your sentence.'