Justice Jokers Gifts

"I'm happy to say that my final judgement of a case is almost always consistent with my prejudgement of the case."

...every client is considered innocent until he's broke.

The Jury Decides.

"Of course you're a flight risk! We're all flight risks!"

"This plea bargaining has really gotten out of hand!"

Officials finally get tough on former pro athletes gone bad.

'I'm sorry, Mr. Belzar, but I don't think 'Murphy's law' has any bearing on your client's case.'

'As to my clients guilt... let me be perfectly vague.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

Neutralizing the thief

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stop and Birch

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Yawning barristers in court

Photobooth Photobomb

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'