Jury Jokers Gifts

'G is for the God-awful food we were served...U is for the uncomfortable chairs...'

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Giggle.

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

"With all due respect, instead of the phrase 'bank robbery,' we request the alleged incident be referred to as an 'Elmore Leonard moment!'"

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

"We specialize in pretrial publicity."

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

"So...are you still saving up to buy a 1964 Chevy Impala now that Joey has one?"

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

The Jury Decides.

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

'How come you lock up the jury overnight, and send the prisoner home?'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that what you don't know won't hurt you.'

I have a weak case, so I thought I'd use big word balloons.

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

'As to my clients guilt... let me be perfectly vague.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"And this is the juvenile court."

'Let's start with this: who cried when the prosecutor summed up and who cried when the defense attorney summed up?'

"Of course you're a flight risk! We're all flight risks!"

Court. No, you only get an attorney. You can't have a court appointed girlfriend.