Jury Juggler Gifts

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

That party went well.

Stop and Birch

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

'Ed here has some sort of problem with his membership on the visitation committee, Reverend.'

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

delivering lawyers from the Harvard Law School

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

'Let me inform the witness that 'horse-feathers' is not a proper response!'

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."