Jury Juggler Gifts

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

That party went well.

Stop and Birch

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'Ed here has some sort of problem with his membership on the visitation committee, Reverend.'

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

Swiss army justice.

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

'So many loopholes, so little time.'