Judicial Juggler Gifts

EXEC ORDER

'We're only stimulating the economy in the legal community.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

That party went well.

Stop and Birch

Arrogant junior barrister

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'Ed here has some sort of problem with his membership on the visitation committee, Reverend.'

Sports Lawyers

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'Okay, the jury acquitted you, but I'm going to hold you five years for questioning.'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'