Legal Juggler Gifts

'We're going to need a bigger rug or we're sunk.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

That party went well.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Stop and Birch

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

A single man has the job title of CEO, Business Manager, HR, Undermanager, Head of Division, Personnel. . .

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"How many surprise witnesses do you have in that little car?"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"Before we hire you, we'd like you to sign this non-compete agreement. It basically states that you won't work anywhere else for the rest of your life."

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"Overruled!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'Your Honour, I think I've got something that will satisfy you and the jury.'