Regulation Juggler Gifts

'Staff just can't keep up with all the changes...Every week it's a different performance indicator, they're all wondering what the government's next target will be?'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Stop and Birch

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'Well I like to think every cloud has a silver lining.'

'The market shifted on me.'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"If we're a team, the manager should take the heat!"

How Many It Takes

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'We're looking for someone who's very responsible. In fact, we're looking for someone who's always responsible.'

'You have only yourself to blame for blaming yourself.'

He calls it 'delegating authority' I call it 'passing the buck'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

NHS targets.

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'There's no need for confusion. Part 935 of Mining Regulation 823, Section 323 in Article L clearly states . . . '

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

Business cartoon showing a business man headed toward 'blame'.

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'

'And the 4 years it took him to get the permit teaches him a lot about doing business in the U.S.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.