Legal Jargon Juggler Gifts

'You need to work on your pleading.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"I'm a lawyer of 20 years standing...!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We have an acronym!"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

A Bloody Butcher

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It's a swearbox."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'I was headhunted.'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'