The Jargon Juggler Gifts

Where THEY work.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"We have an acronym!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

A Bloody Butcher

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"It's a swearbox."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."