Jargon Juggernaut Gifts

Communication Breakdowns

"You've suffered a contusion to the soft tissue below the fourth thoracic vertebra exacerbating the proximal sternum. Translation: 'you have a bruised rib.'"

Stakeholder Engagement

Does your accountant speak your language?

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"You're supposed to push your envelope from the inside, Conners!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"In a nutshell, my career goal is to nurture my unique personhood in a culturally diverse, progressive business environment, while also honoring the traditional values of back-stabbing, greed and global plundering!"

Art Terminology

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

I'm holding you in contempt, counselor

"In my downtime I'm using this app to learn Corporate speak, Legalese, and French."

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

"Now – go out there and shift some paradigm!"

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"See this thingamabob attached to your whatchamacallit? That’s the doohickey I was afraid of."

"Great work, Smith. I must say, it's heartening to read a press release that both honors and builds upon the time-honored tradition of artisanal, hand-crafted gobbledygook!"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We have an acronym!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

A Bloody Butcher

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."