Journal Juggernaut Gifts

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Businessman wearing many hats.

The Jose Padilla Experience

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

The Working Mum

Medieval headlines.

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Communication Breakdowns

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

'Tragically, Mr. Cornwell was unable to afford a personal ethicist.'

"I tell you, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there!"

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

Sports Lawyers

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

"In a nutshell, my career goal is to nurture my unique personhood in a culturally diverse, progressive business environment, while also honoring the traditional values of back-stabbing, greed and global plundering!"

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"In my downtime I'm using this app to learn Corporate speak, Legalese, and French."

IN OVER MY HEAD

"See this thingamabob attached to your whatchamacallit? That’s the doohickey I was afraid of."

"Great work, Smith. I must say, it's heartening to read a press release that both honors and builds upon the time-honored tradition of artisanal, hand-crafted gobbledygook!"

Green Belt

"Impressive resume. But can you make coffee?"