Jargon Jungler Gifts

'So it's incumbent upon all staff to restate their personal dialogue...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"We have an acronym!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

A Bloody Butcher

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"It's a swearbox."

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)