Jargon Judger Gifts

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Torturing the English Language

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"We have an acronym!"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Ninedency: A budding tendency

A Bloody Butcher

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

That party went well.

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"It's a swearbox."

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"