Jargon Jockey Gifts

'The words ‘in conclusion' always generate profound appreciation when Fred makes a presentation.'

People, what a fantastic opportunity for a reset!

"I can't put it into layman's language for you. I don't know any layman's language."

Conversation between two geeks in the IT department (IT jargon in bubbles)

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"We have an acronym!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

A Bloody Butcher

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.