Jargon Jokers Gifts

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"We have an acronym!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

A Bloody Butcher

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"It's a swearbox."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

Photobooth Photobomb

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'I was headhunted.'