Jargon Joker Gifts

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

Sue always liked to look at the bigger picture...

'Hi, your IT section sent me to test the network sockets.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"We have an acronym!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

A Bloody Butcher

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Get crazy once in a while

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"It's a swearbox."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."