Corporate Jargon Joker Gifts

'Your job hasn't been downsized... it's capsized.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"Now you can send it."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"It's your cubicle, Nelson, not your coop."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

"I'm a bit concerned the staff don't respect me, they've given me a nickname."

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

Elevator charge $1.00.

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

Happy New Year...we feel a little overtime won't hurt you.

'Don't worry, the dog's a sales manager!'

Walkie Talkie Company CEO has in/out boxes labeled: Talk the talk, Walk the Walk.

I made JB laugh today - I asked him for a rise.