Corporate Jargon Enthusiast Gifts

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

'Inform their C.E.O., C.F.O. and C.O.O. that their proposal is D.O.A..'

'When you write up a prospectus for our new fund, keep using the word 'derivative'. Nobody knows what it means but the fund will look very hi-tech.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Business Jargon.

'Don't you think we've got synergies?'

'I'm sorry, Thag, but we're going to have to let you go. You just don't walk the walk or talk the talk.'

'In conclusion, it is mission-critical that we strategically focus on a go-forward plan that is both pro active and goal-centric. Love, Bob.'

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

Windbags Front and Back

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Would you stop quoting Sir John Harvey Jones!"

'The bad news is that our budget has been slashed so there's no money for office refurbishment or replacing old equipment.'

'Don't think of it as redundancy, think of it as regaining access o unlimited leisure time!'

"For some reason I only seem to have meaningful interpersonally development verbal dialogues with other management consultants."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"Incentivize me with a paradigm of mesculin greens and grilled chicken."

"Just a heads up, Hal -- the board plans to promote you to some kind of flavor and fast-track you to aftertaste status by next year."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

GDP and G&T.