Corporate Lingo Enthusiast Gifts

"We can't call it restructuring,we did that in '99 and '2002..." "And we used 'reorganisation' in 2000 and 2003." "What about 'strategic reorientation' We haven't done that since 2004."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"Kicking you upstairs is, of course, just a figure of speech. What we're really doing is sending you deeper into the countryside."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"I made a straightforward proposal, Moira, and all I ask is a linear response."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

GDP and G&T.

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

Digital Marketing

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover