Business Jargon Aficionado Gifts

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

"Try not to think of yourself as a cog in a vast and uncaring machine but rather a small but relatively important cost center."

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'How embarrasing. I went the entire meeting without coming up with a single buzzword.'

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

"You can use Al's old office. He was kicked upstairs last month!"

"Oh my, 'failure' is such a strong word. I prefer 'terminally reduced expectations'."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

'We no longer call it 'hiring' - we now call it 'insourcing'.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Terms and conditions on the mount

GDP and G&T.

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

Digital Marketing

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."