Jargon Jesters Gifts

'No-Freaking-Idea-Speak.'

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We have an acronym!"

A Bloody Butcher

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"It's a swearbox."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'I was headhunted.'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."