Jargon Jest Gifts

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

A Bloody Butcher

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"It's a swearbox."

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."