Legal Jargon Jester Gifts

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"Honey, my boss moved me upstairs – way upstairs!"

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"How many surprise witnesses do you have in that little car?"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

'This mission-statement is complete gibberish, Hudson. Well done.'

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.