Legal Jargon Jokesters Gifts

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Arrogant junior barrister

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Justice

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

McWit Legal College

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"I think Baxter needs a break."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'