Legal Jargon Jokesters Pillows

"A person of interest" --- Gee, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me!

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Arrogant junior barrister

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

McWit Legal College

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"I think Baxter needs a break."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'