Legal Jokester Pillows

'Permission to badger the witness, your honor.'

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

Your chambers or mine?

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'Shouldn't I be getting better compensation if time is money'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Loopholes

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Justice