Legal Jokester T-Shirts

'Permission to badger the witness, your honor.'

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'Shouldn't I be getting better compensation if time is money'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Arrogant junior barrister

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Fairtale prosecutions.

Justice

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?