Legal Jokes Enthusiasts Gifts

"One night in a moment of rage, I tore off a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'