Legal Jargon Humorist Gifts

"Quick! Get down to legal! The boilerplate has sprung a leak."

Fiction Non-fiction Lawyer Talk

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Barristers

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We make crime pay."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

Loopholes

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.