Legal Jargon Aficionado Gifts

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

"I'm expected to write a good review of this stuff... So here I go with some confusing art rhetoric."

JIT -Jittery Inventory Turnover

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

People, we need to push the envelope, and the paper, pens and all the other stationery.

"Their lawyer found out that I enjoy reading poetry, and that I also like to watch professional wrestling. They're calling it a conflict of interests."

"Yes, but...will it scale?"

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"This project is evolving well, going forward."

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

I protest the fact that the district attorney is speaking in a foreign language I can't understand, your honor. A foreign language? Legalese.

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'