Legal Jargon Lover Gifts

"Too wordy...I'm kidding. I just get a kick out of saying that."

"And I brought along my lawyer to read the fine print."

Objection very overruled.

"Their lawyer found out that I enjoy reading poetry, and that I also like to watch professional wrestling. They're calling it a conflict of interests."

'Fine! If embezzlement is a crime, guilty as charged! Satisfied???'

'Apparently, our meetings do meet the legal definition of torture.'

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

"This is Rob Dolan on a recorded line, anything you say may be held against you in a court of law."

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

'K7K industries (an alleged monopoly case under appeal)

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'Good work, I doubt whether any of the shareholders will understand it.'

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.