Jargon Wrangler Gifts

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

A Bloody Butcher

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"It's a swearbox."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Editor.

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

How Many It Takes