Rhetoric Wrangler Gifts

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

"Not guilty, because your lawyer came up with some great excuses."

Gauntlet Cards, Respond at Your Own Risk

Sybil Obama

Ballroom. Political Forum. At least they served lunch during that rambling incoherent speech. Alphabet soup and a word salad.

"My entire speech in bold italic caps? Love it!"

She - Interpreter - He.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

Information...political rhetoric

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Sulk Shows

Editor.

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

Diplomacy

Literary rain

"Great moments in songwriting" "What if she had a little lamb?" "Maybe it follows her to school?" "Wouldn't that make the children laugh?" "Exactly."

The Critic...

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

If You Can't Beat Them

Rush Limbaugh