Joke Wrangler Gifts

"I broke him, but now he wants to pursue a career in standup."

"Bed Spread"

High Riders of the Old West

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Editor.

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

'Did you want me, boss?'

Literary rain

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

"Great moments in songwriting" "What if she had a little lamb?" "Maybe it follows her to school?" "Wouldn't that make the children laugh?" "Exactly."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"I see here the party of the first part says 'potato.' The party of the second part says 'potahto.' The party of the first part says 'tomato,' the party of the second part says 'tomahto.' Both parties, by mutual agreement, wish to call the whole thing off

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

An expletive of editors

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

'Moon, June...'

"Can we forget about our dainty little tracks in the snow for five seconds and try to concentrate on what we're out here for?"

"Not guilty, because your lawyer came up with some great excuses."

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

"Hitch up your horse, Tex. It's time for lunch."

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

How's the writer's block?

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."