Rumor Wrangler Gifts

'I'd just like to know how these crazy rumors get started.'

Rumor Control Center: Chicken Little.

"I guess you've heard bad spin about me."

Market Rumors Verification Department: Rumors and Squelched.

'He sweeps dirt under the carpet. I swap it over the fence.'

"Why do you insist on double-checking every piece of my gossip on social media?"

"What's this I hear about you and some bird?"

"Let me speak to the CEO's secretary. She's in the know."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

High Riders of the Old West

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

Sulk Shows

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Sybil Obama

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'OK...now what?'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Diplomacy

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."