Rumor Wrangler Gifts

'I'd just like to know how these crazy rumors get started.'

Rumor Control Center: Chicken Little.

"I guess you've heard bad spin about me."

Market Rumors Verification Department: Rumors and Squelched.

'He sweeps dirt under the carpet. I swap it over the fence.'

"Why do you insist on double-checking every piece of my gossip on social media?"

"What's this I hear about you and some bird?"

"Let me speak to the CEO's secretary. She's in the know."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

High Riders of the Old West

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Sulk Shows

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'OK...now what?'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Did you want me, boss?'

The Critic...

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Diplomacy

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."