Risk Wrangler Gifts

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

'You're right; there's a frozen pea on the floor. I'll cordon off the area, sound the store alarm and call in the disposal experts.'

"You think they all look like security risks."

"Flight insurance claims department."

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

"These investments aren't without risk. Your mailbox might explode with prospectuses."

She - Interpreter - He.

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"If you're not on the brink of despair you're part of the problem"

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

How Many It Takes

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

'There's no need for confusion. Part 935 of Mining Regulation 823, Section 323 in Article L clearly states . . . '

Why you must go to work

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Thanks, I just know that I'll never be able to repay your kindness . . .'

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

Diplomacy

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

'Now that's what I call soil conservation.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'