Joke Juggler Gifts

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

"Whoa, heh. Tough crowd."

How's the writer's block?

'The guy before me was so bad the audience were still booing all the time I was on!'

'Personally, I think PC humour's gone too far.'

'It was George's first time on top of the bill.'

"Bed Spread"

"I can't hear you but the banana can."

"What's the opposite of understanding?"

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I hate this time of year."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

This one's mixed media--- I had jelly on my hands while finger-painting.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Maybe this year..."

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Elf of the Month

Cleaning the Horse

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.