Language Wrangler Gifts

Medical Bracelet

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Sulk Shows

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

Editor.

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

'Ah, the Bermuda Rectangle for files.'

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

STRIP Hambone: Number cruncher

"Stop! Information overload. I need to rebuffer."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

Diplomacy

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Literary rain

"I see here the party of the first part says 'potato.' The party of the second part says 'potahto.' The party of the first part says 'tomato,' the party of the second part says 'tomahto.' Both parties, by mutual agreement, wish to call the whole thing off