Language Wrangler Pillows

Medical Bracelet

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Sybil Obama

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

Sulk Shows

Editor.

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

'Ah, the Bermuda Rectangle for files.'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

STRIP Hambone: Number cruncher

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"Stop! Information overload. I need to rebuffer."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Literary rain

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

Diplomacy