Justice Juggler Gifts

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

'I'm afraid I must disqualify myself in this case...I have a tee time at three.'

Victim Support banner - "My victim hasn't given me any support."

'Remember, McWit. Disclaimers are in the eye of the manipulator.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'...Just plead guilty, I've got a dozen cases to get sorted before lunch.'

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

Attorney. The question of right and wrong is very clear. I want you to cloud it up for me.

Full-time Job

'Whom shall I say is suing?'

"Don't forget,guilty by one-catch the end of the Sales by five!"

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

Bimney,Smith & Jones, P.A. - "One For All & All For One"

Swiss army justice.

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

Stop and Birch

Work/Life Balance

That party went well.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

The Jose Padilla Experience

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

'Tragically, Mr. Cornwell was unable to afford a personal ethicist.'

Children.

"I've learned to compartmentalize my stress."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'