Jury Duty Joker Gifts

"It looks like a hung jury...half of them want the chicken salad, the other half want the ham."

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"Look at it this way, Conroy—the longer they stay out, the longer you're a free man."

"So, ... how's jury duty?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Court's in recess!'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Repeat after me..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

'I got 10 years and my lawyer got 15!'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'