Jury Duty Jokesters Gifts

'Now, don't yell, but I forgot where I sequestered the jury!'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"take your best shot, counselor."

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

"We specialize in pretrial publicity."

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that what you don't know won't hurt you.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

HEY!

'How come you lock up the jury overnight, and send the prisoner home?'

"And this is the juvenile court."

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."