Jury Joker Gifts

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Court's in recess!'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"Repeat after me..."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'