Jury Joker Pillows

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Court's in recess!'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Repeat after me..."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'