Judiciary Joker Pillows

"If the jury needs another day, they're using paper plates tomorrow."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Repeat after me..."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"...And now show us what you said."

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

Disorder in the Court!