Judiciary Joker Pillows

"If the jury needs another day, they're using paper plates tomorrow."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Arrogant junior barrister

Justice

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Repeat after me..."

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Disorder in the Court!

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'