Jury Duty Jokester Pillows

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

Justice

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

McWit Legal College

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"take your best shot, counselor."

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."