Jury Duty Jokester Pillows

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Arrogant junior barrister

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

McWit Legal College

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"take your best shot, counselor."

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'How come you lock up the jury overnight, and send the prisoner home?'

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."