Committee Juggler Gifts

'Ed here has some sort of problem with his membership on the visitation committee, Reverend.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

Stop and Birch

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

NHS targets.

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

"Okay, if that's all the finger pointing we have today, we can move on!"

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

"You need to put on some weight if you want to keep your job!"

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

Too early to begin working on/Too late to do anything about.

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

Swiss army justice.

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

"You ought to do what I do—have a few belts before you meet with the old man."

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

"The meeting's at 10. I'll send you a copy of the agenda, the hidden agenda and your personal agenda."

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor