Justice Jokers Pillows

"I'm happy to say that my final judgement of a case is almost always consistent with my prejudgement of the case."

...every client is considered innocent until he's broke.

The Jury Decides.

"Of course you're a flight risk! We're all flight risks!"

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

Well, shoot, if I didn't get this last-minute stay of execution for you, who did I get it for?

"This plea bargaining has really gotten out of hand!"

Officials finally get tough on former pro athletes gone bad.

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

'I'm sorry, Mr. Belzar, but I don't think 'Murphy's law' has any bearing on your client's case.'

'As to my clients guilt... let me be perfectly vague.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

Neutralizing the thief

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Stop and Birch

Yawning barristers in court

Photobooth Photobomb

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'