Justice Jokester Gifts

'The motels are full, Your Honor -- could we maybe sequester the jury at your house?'

'You have the right to legal representation, if you can't afford a lawyer, an inexperienced, second rate one will be appointed to you.'

'If you think he's bad, just wait till they send in the social workers.'

'What do we win if we get it right?'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'If the members of the jury would look under their seats, they will all find a lovely gift from my client. . .'

"Your Honor! Objection! I really don't think a Chinese wrist burn is sufficient punishment to fit the crime!"

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

'Your Honor, do we need the jury judging my performance?'

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'WE don't want to get sued by a ruptured burglar, now do we?'

'Sir, we've been out-loop holed.'

How to improve jury service.

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'...And they always talk about due process like it was a good thing!'

"If we settle out of court, do you get a kickback?"

'Not only does he send criminals up for a long time, he sends their lawyers to jail.'

Singing - "Hang down your head Norm Gutterman, hang down your head and cry..."

Police Stop 'n' Search Department

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'No Ma'am, Justice is not blind.'

"Having looked at the evidence against you I think the best advice I can give is 'run, run for your life, leave the country... never look back."

'There's an obscenity case coming up about a topless restaurant.', 'Let me be the judge of that!'

"... So then I said to him, 'nobody's above the law your majesty'."

'Thanks to an administrative error, Zeke was sentenced to the electric blanket.'

'We found a way to settle out of court, your honor. He beat the crap out of me.'

"So... that's how lawyers get away with it."

"Well done constable - now don't do it again young man..."

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

Babies look so innocent. The trick is finding a really cranky jury.

'The prisons are full, so I'll just have the city engineers tear up the street in front of your house.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

We've found a precedent - you did the same crime in 1994!

Paper reads 'Prisons Full' - 'More prisoners need to escape.'