Judiciary Jokester Gifts

Arrogant junior barrister

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Antonin Scalia

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

McWit Legal College

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

Judge

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

"Guilty times infinity."

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Small Clams Court

"Move to strike as non-responsive."